Dear Readers,
Hello again and happy new year. I hope you all had a good Christmas. Since my grandfather on my mum's side passed away just before December, it was a somewhat more difficult festive season than normal. However, we still enjoyed ourselves, and frankly, I'm glad to be back in the saddle and working/studying once again.
Does that mean that the issues we're bringing up have gone away? Absolutely not, unfortunately.
At the end of 2019, we faced the sight of Caroline Flack being prosecuted for the abuse of her boyfriend, and rightly so. It's a genuine step up, compared to the days of when male survivors of abuse were treated with utter contempt. For example, Rebekah Brooks, newspaper editor, and Murdoch darling was arrested in 2005 for assaulting her then husband Ross Kemp, who was branded by some of the more scummy tabloids as a "big girl's blouse".
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2005/nov/03/sun.pressandpublishing
Domestic violence is frighteningly frequent with 1.9 million adults suffering under it in England and Wales in 2017:
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/domesticabuseinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2017
Of course, male victims of abuse - especially female abusers -
This brings me to the term "psycho girlfriend" and the need to stop turning a blind eye in society to abusive women who assault their partners over an inability to control their tempers, or just simple childishness.
https://www.facebook.com/PsychoGF
Here we have a post filled with charmers such as (Needless to say, I reported it as best I could.)
Hell, even mumsnet got in on the act, claiming that all it means is "wanting to know what's going on" but they'd obviously be damned if they'd allow their husbands to treat them the same way (because it's possessive and controlling behaviour, no matter how you scrape it).
Here we have an interesting post from 2016 from someone called Katie Clough, who is obviously a psycho girlfriend but making a thousand and one excuses as to why she's not.
https://thetab.com/uk/nottingham/2016/03/17/defence-psycho-girlfriend-31147
If you've gone to the article, you'll see that while she's a very good-looking young lady, she has bad news written all over her, and her boyfriend looks less than thrilled to be with her.
Girls all over the world have been branded as 'psychos' for reacting when their boyfriends acted out of line.
That depends on your definition of acted out of line. If you mean verbally abusing you or physically assaulting you, or in the act of cheating on you, then yes. That's out of line. Liking a girl's picture on instagram or saying hello to another woman is not.
Personally I think this is a crass overexaggeration. Boys are just as possessive and jealous, yet no-one ever gives them grief for it.
Leaving aside the whining of this post, have you heard of something called the #metoo movement? Allegations against R. Kelly? Internet youtuber Onision? (The latter two are surprisingly similar, down to their temper tantrums and meltdowns.)
My former self, and so many friends have spent hours analysing what boys say, as we are too scared to say how we really feel.
On the one hand, I can empathise with this. Many a time I've done the same thing for the same fear, so you're not alone. However, you need to recognise that the issue lies with you, not them.
The reason being because of this horrible label of girls being 'clingy' or 'psycho' if we react to displaying how we are really feeling inside.
I am totally unconvinced that society and men have stopped you from expressing your true feelings. If the facebook page is anything to go by, the worst excesses of this behaviour seem to be treated as a joke.
Well, not anymore. I've had enough.
Did you hear that? She's had enough! She's had enough, so she has! Yessiree! Yes sir, she has reached the end of her tether, her patience has run out, she ain't gonna have dis shit no more! E.N.U.F She has had ENOUGH!
Recently because I've been getting really pissed off that the result of me sticking up for myself if I'm annoyed with my boyfriend has resulted me in being branded as a psycho.
Like I said, it depends on what you consider to be "sticking up for yourself" and to be quite honest, you don't seem either secure, nor mature enough to handle a relationship. Perhaps take some time to find yourself, get to know yourself better, learn to love and look after yourself rather than let your neuroses get to you while you obviously bite off more than you can chew. If you want to stick up for yourself, for God's sake grow up a bit!
Trust me: most girls think the same as I do.
Well, that's not good news for all relationships at the end of the 2010s. Hang on, you don't know most girls, do you? You just know your immediate friends and family.
Oh, look at you, Luke, you think you've found a girl who's "really chilled man",
Perhaps then it's time to work up the courage and be honest about what you both want in this relationship? It's not exactly fair for him or you to conceal this and lead the other on. It's your responsibility to tell your partner what you want. I can't do it for you.
well, don't get your hopes up yet mate because secretly she DOES mind that little catch up coffee you had with your ex
Then clearly you need to be up front with one another. If he's not then talk to him. If you're not, then it's nobody else's fault.
and her whole WhatsApp group will be bitching about it for the rest of the day.
How is this anything but a demonstration that you and your girlfriends are all too immature to handle a relationship, and have no self-respect whatsoever. If you're too insecure to express your emotions (feels weird to tell girls to do that) in an honest discussion with your boyfriend, then clearly you're not ready for a relationship. That's fine if you're not, there's no shame in it (and in society we're all pushed too quickly into that anyway), but don't kid yourself that your insecurities are all men's fault, nor that this is respectful to your partner. If you can't respect yourself, nor your partner, you've no business being in a relationship.
(She also puts in a few screenshots of "fuckboy" - WTF? - behaviour while lamenting "why are boys like this?" referring to an obviously fake conversation that never happened anywhere but in her own insecure mind. Also, why would you be respected by male partners if you call them "fuckboys" all the time? Respect is very much a two way street, and has to be earned.)
She really does want something serious.
OK, so is "she" (i.e. are you) going to say so or just hope that it occurs to him.
Any girl who acts chilled out is just trying to lure you into a false sense of security and a relationship.
And that sneaky, underhand method is the opposite of what you should do, said girl is clearly not strong or grown up enough for a boyfriend yet.
Boys might think they've got girls covered, but I've been a girl since I came out of the womb.
And you still haven't got girls covered, you haven't got yourself covered, otherwise you'd have never written an article like this..
So take it from me that the girl you are talking to, who you think is 'cool and doesn't want anything serious either' will be looking for wedding dresses, your ex-girlfriend on facebook, and apps to hack into your text messages.
Tell me again why this girl is having relationship troubles? I've no idea!
But really, we should ask, why are girls like this?
Hell, I'm asking it now!
Most of us have probably experienced that guy we really like, but he 'doesn't want to label anything'. This results in us spending endless hours stressing over them, debating with our friends about how long we should leave it to reply to his text, and refreshing their instagram feed to see if he's liked that one girl's photo again.
Problem 1, social media being corrosive. Problem 2, overthinking. I can empathise with this last point, I've done this more times than I care to remember, insecurity isn't a gender thing, it's a human thing. But make no mistake, you're your own worst enemy here, and you're probably driving these guys away.
You'd better believe we've been on facebook and whatsapp to see when you were last active. He probably told you in the morning that he was 'really starting to like you babe', yet he still goes home with the girl with the weird eyebrows the same night. Don't take a back seat - say when you're pissed off! Don't bottle it up to save face so you look chilled.
Well that's not stalker behaviour at all! Guys - like girls - are allowed to change their minds, and your stinking attitude and sense of entitlement has probably driven him away. To me, it sounds like you weren't really dating anyway!
The fact that men are often totally clueless on how to act in these situations doesn't help much either.
Laying aside the misandrist generalising comment there, you're not fooling anyone. You're not as worldly wise as you make yourself out to be, evident in the entire article that you yourself are too childish and selfish to handle a boyfriend.
They tend to deal with it in one of three ways:
Naivety - This will be when the boy pretends he has no idea what's going on.
Maybe it hasn't occurred to you that he genuinely is at a loss at your behaviour.
Exhibit A. "OMG you're annoyed because Sophie just said she'd give me a blowjob? Babe, we're just friends, she's only joking!" But if you are genuinely just a bit oblivious and stupid, then don't worry: I'll happily point out a hoe to you.
I doubt this conversation happened, unless you actually date someone who would say this in which case, you have bad taste!
Denial - "I'm not interested in my ex, why does it matter that I liked her instagram picture?" I hear you ask.
A legitimate question to ask.
Well a like clearly indicates interest
No, not really.
If I don't like Donald Trump, I'm not going to be liking photos of Donald Trump to express my liking of Donald Trump
Yeah, pretty sure that most people who like Donald Trump photos are either not attracted to him sexually (or are just weird, or both). It doesn't mean they want to sleep with him.
You can save up that InstaLove Craig, and send it my way instead because that's where your interest is now.
I hate social media. If it wasn't for that, we wouldn't have this lunacy. Look, this possessiveness is needy, petty, immature and stupid, and it's also dangerous. You have zero right to police what your boyfriend does and likes, just like he has no right to do the same to you, that is controlling and abusive behaviour, no excuses.
Accusation - "Listen babe, I text this girl I just met in a club and told her to come back to mine just so I could help her find her way back to her house. You're being a psycho about this, Jesus Christ."
I'm 99.999% sure that this conversation didn't happen, most women don't randomly trust male strangers if they're stuck. Besides, if she's stuck then perhaps you could help her? If she's a "hoe bag" she won't do owt if you're there to stop her, and if she's not, she'll have a woman to set her at ease.
Don't give me that shit. She knows where her own house is and even if she doesn't, why would you?
Because this conversation never happened outside your imagination?
If that bitch wants to find her way home, I'll text the link to Google maps and off she can fly, far, far away like a little slut fairy.
OK, that last bit made me laugh, but seriously? This is how young women treat one another?
So please don't try and make me out like a psychopath so that you can get away with playing the field.
You're not a psychopath, you're a shallow and insecure little girl with no sense of the real world, paranoia, delusion, and you need to sort your own life out.
It's not fair
Quite. Just like your behaviour.
and no girl should need to be worried about saying just how she feels to avoid being labelled as an obsessive mentalist.
I hate to dive into the incel subject for a nanosecond but seriously, incels? You want to have a relationship with someone as unstable as this? You'll wish you were an incel again!
And for the sake of equality, I'm going to clarify that it's OK to call male emotional abusers psychos, but there's no opposition to this to be honest.
At the end of the day this is what I'm talking about. And make no mistake here, I'm not just talking about domestic violence. I'm not just talking about male abuse victims.
I'm talking about the tolerance of the latter as being more acceptable, and the sordid and shameful attempts to try and excuse abusive behaviour with "Yeah but did you die? lol" inane rhetorical crap that seems to have not died the death it deserves. These attitudes are calling for the tolerance of abusers who seem "atypical" abusers because they have vaginas, or if they don't leave any scars or corpses. This is damaging to male abuse victims, and has been for years, simply telling us that we're the ones in the wrong, and that our abuse is deserved, whether the author intends it or not.
If you see people like this, call 'em out. Unlike the woke brigade, I'm not suggesting having blazing rows and demonstrations in the middle of the street, or even the emotional blackmail they seem to delight in, but instead highlight to other people why this is so stupid, irresponsible and damaging.
Don't treat people like this, and don't tolerate people treating you like this either.
Sincerely
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