Tuesday, September 15, 2020

WHY THE JAMES BULGER MURDER IS RELEVANT TO ABUSE SURVIVORS

Dear Readers,


TRIGGER WARNING: This is about a very violent and shocking case of murder, and contains references to sexual assault and graphic violence against children. Some people may find this content upsetting. Also, this refers to a very real tragedy that left the loved ones of the victim scarred for life, so please bear in mind to consider with some sensitivity.

In February 1993, a woman called Denise Bulger was in a butcher's in New Strand Shopping Centre in Bootle, Merseyside, which is part of the city of Liverpool in North West England. She was with her two year old son, James, when for a moment she was distracted whilst getting some change from her purse. When she looked up, her son had gone.

She reported him missing to the police, but two days later the worst was discovered. The two year old James was found on a railway track, severed in two by a passing train whose driver had doubtless not noticed the small figure lying in the way as they'd gone along that stretch of railway line. Needless to say, Denise Bulger, his father and his siblings were all devastated.

On examination of the body by the forensic pathologist, it was discovered that James' death had been caused not by the passing train, but by several severe injuries to his head. Be warned, this is pretty graphic.

TW ******

James had been kicked and punched repeatedly, hit in the head with stones and bricks thrown at him, paint had been thrown in his eyes. His clothes had been removed below the waist, and his foreskin had been forced back. Batteries had been forced into his mouth, and allegedly his rectum (though this is disputed, and none were found lodged here by police). 

The most severe injury he'd suffered from had been a blow from a fish plate, also known as a splice bar, or a joint bar in the U.S. This is a large piece of steel used to anchor separate rails on railway track together, and as such, the injury suffered would've been extreme. It seems highly likely that this was the fatal blow, though he suffered so many that it was uncertain whether he was already fatally injured.

He'd then been weighted down by the culprit, who'd left the area shortly before the train had passed.

*********

Upon realization that they were dealing with a murder case, the police began further investigation and questioning witnesses. Initial assumptions were that James had been kidnapped by an adult abductor, possibly one with a history of abuse of children. However, it was soon discovered by examining CCTV tapes that the last footage of James showed two young boys not much older than eight leading him out of the shopping centre. Many witnesses confirmed that they had in fact seen a child fitting the description being led around by two boys aged about nine or ten.

Several boys who'd been playing truant on the same day were interviewed. Eventually, the police found the suspects, who much to their shock, turned out to indeed be two ten year old boys, Robert Thompson and Jon Venables. Both boys went to the same school as one another, and lived less than a couple of miles from the railway line where James had been found.

Both Thompson and Venables were questioned and after several minutes of lies, tears and panicking, both boys admitted to the crime, were charged, tried at Preston Crown Court, found guilty and sentenced to be detained 'At Her Majesty's Pleasure'. The outrage was so great that angry mobs threatening to kill them would form up wherever their presence was known.

They remained in separate young offenders institutes until they reached the age of 18 in 2001. Much to public outrage, they were released, and little was heard of them for another ten years.

While Robert Thompson seems to have been the smarter of the two, and *hopefully* reformed, remaining anonymous, Jon Venables has repeatedly allowed his cover to be blown, requiring the law to create a new identity for him every time, and has even been arrested for possession of child pornography. Twice. 

Furthermore, a global injunction has been put out, banning the posting online of pictures of Venables or information on Venables' whereabouts, descriptions, etc. Obviously this is to prevent lynch mobs to start kicking off again, but that's another story. (I discourage anyone seeking these out, and will not describe them or point anyone to them for legal reasons.)

So how did this happen? How did two seemingly normal ten year old boys transform into brutal child killers?

Robert Thompson was born on August 23rd 1982. According to a social worker who'd had contact with the Thompsons, Robert's father had been a violent alcoholic who'd walked out on the family. He had two younger brothers and four elder brothers, and was alleged to have experienced conflict and violence with them as well, with some of them living in fear of one another.

Jon Venables was born on August 13th 1982. His teacher had reported that his school work was suffering, and would engage in strange and disruptive behaviour such as fighting with other children, ripping classwork off the walls, sticking paper on his face and hiding under chairs and desks so that people couldn't physically reach him. He was reported to cut holes in his socks, and even participated in self-harm with scissors. He'd even got in trouble trying to strangle another boy with a ruler.

During their time in school, both boys came across each other and befriended one another, when Jon Venables arrived at the same school as Robert Thompson, having been expelled from his previous school. The effect could very well be summed up as like pouring petrol on a bonfire, though nobody could've imagined at the time that two boys would commit such a violent murder of a toddler.


Before the murder, the two boys had a reputation around their neighborhood that preceded them. Their neighbours knew both for playing truant, for shoplifting sweets and disappearing together during the night. Both came from difficult backgrounds, and were not getting the help that they needed.

'People will say "well, there are thousands of children who have these negative experiences and they don't all go on to do this", and when they say that, what they are implicitly wanting you to accept is that there isn't really the connection between those background factors and this terrible event. Well, of course not everyone goes on to do this because for many people there are other mediating factors in their experience. They come across particular teachers in school, they come across other friends, they come across people from other families that provide alternatives. The key thing about the children that killed James Bulger is that they didn't find those external sources of correction, they found each other.'

Paul Britton, Consultant and Forensic Psychologist.


I want you to cast your mind back to my critique of the 'Respect Toolkit for Male Survivors' that I covered on June 15th. 


Now, take note of this particular quote I took, highlighted in the article:

"Women suffer mental illness at roughly the same rate as men, but almost none commit large scale violence."

Now, the reason that I bring this back to the case of Thompson and Venables is because mental illness affects both victims and abusers. I've had mental illness myself in the past, I've cut myself with a set of scissors once, and I slashed my left hand with a razor when I was 17. It's more common than we think, and for someone to turn out this way, or in the extreme examples of Thompson and Venables, there is a fuse.

There are signs.

Missing those signs, or failing to read them can lead to disaster, even for just one person.

With my own abuser, I was told by other staff at school that she was often rehabilitated into normal behavior until she returned home from the holidays, only to be just as badly behaved and disruptive. Seven years after I left school, a friend of mine told me that she kissed him on the mouth for no reason when she was ten years old, and that she'd targeted other boys than just me. She also told me "at least my dad's fit and not an old faggot like yours" which even as a 13 year old I found very odd. Of course, children aren't trained in looking for the alarm bells, but adults should be.

She was an abuser, showing signs of being not right in the head, and a danger to the well being of others, and the staff at school failed to see that. What I went through is, let's be clear, not even close to what James Bulger was subjected to, rather I highlight the pattern of warning signs going unnoticed or being ignored, resulting in suffering for another human being.

People who abuse are not quite themselves, that's why they seem so drastically different to those who know nothing about their abusive behavior. Mental illness also affects victims of abuse with anxiety about certain stimuli, environments or people.

Mental illness can be crippling. It can affect your ability to live a normal life, and it can really make you someone you're not yourself. I don't say this because mentally ill people are prone to murder, absolutely not. What I am saying is that if we don't take this warning, we miss the potential chance to save hundred upon thousands of people from a lifetime of suffering. It could be as simple as someone with mental illness committing suicide.

Abusers are all too common to be just psychopaths or evil (such people are mercifully rare), or even pompous and power-hungry dirtbags like Harvey Weinstein, but they are normal people with a destructive side unleashed by triggers or forces at work. Thompson and Venables were normal children. My abuser was a normal person. In both cases, their violence was unleashed by negative influences in their lives and people got hurt because those who were meant to care for these damaged individuals and see the warnings, failed to do so. Abuse will not likely turn most victims into abusers themselves, but the pain they'll suffer as a result will quite possibly hinder them from living a normal, happy and balanced life.

Let's not cheapen it with stupid theories about "toxic masculinity" and "male entitlement", let's actually look for the warning signs of damaged and risky people and act before it's too late.

And may James Bulger rest in peace.


Sincerely,

The Invisible Man

Friday, September 11, 2020

SCARS OR NO SCARS

Dear Readers, 


I came across an article this morning highlighting the signs of an abusive relationship, and why a relationship doesn't need physical violence to be abusive. This was written by a woman called Eden Strong at psychcentral.com, who seems to refer to her own abusive experiences. It does an excellent job at highlighting something that many fail to realize.

Abuse doesn't have to be violent or deadly to be abuse.The white feminist types, of course, will howl that male victims aren't "afraid" or "killed at the same rate as women", and yet their stupidity is highlighted very succinctly. The reason? Because as this article shows, there's more to abuse than being maimed or murdered.

The article refers to male abusers and female victims, and sometimes this is frustrating. Of course, this time I just cannot be bothered exhausting myself pointing out exactly WHY erasing male abuse victims and pretending we don't exist/pretending that female abusers don't exist or are harmless is damaging (or indeed why it's unjust to castigate male advocates for butting in on female exclusive abuse discussions while butting in on male exclusive abuse discussions to go "women have it worse" every time).

This article refers to the abuser as "he/him" so I'm just going to change it to "they/them" and victims as "people" rather than just "women" as per the original article, in order to make it more inclusive for both male and female abuse victims.

That being said, I'm not going to say that Ms Strong IS erasing male victims, rather that she's referring to her own experiences and coming from the point of view of a female abuse survivor, so no doubt those are her reference points. It's rather like how I mostly refer from my experiences as a male survivor of a female abuser, so I won't suddenly judge in bad faith as that would be unfair and hypocritical.

It's still a good enough article that I would like to use it in a more general way to highlight the issues of abuse and how we fail as a society to realise truly how it works.


Would you even know if you were being abused?


that little voice in the back of your head that whispers "this isn't right," and the feelings that tug at your heart, begging your brain to listen to that voice. It's all those things that you shove down because you are so unsure of yourself, unsure of them.

You wonder: Is this abuse?


Abuse creeps over you slowly, silently, in such a sneaky way that many people are completely unaware of its presence until they are completely engulfed by it. And once you're trapped, it's hard to get out. Not impossible, but hard. So listen to that voice and watch for the signs, before it's too late.


1. Their reaction to a situation is more terrifying than the situation itself.

I once came back to my car in a parking lot only to find that someone had obviously backed into the bumper. The car was only a month old, there was a big dent, the paint was scuffed and flaking - yet I could not have cared less about the car. I was absolutely terrified to tell my husband.

I drove home white-knuckled and shaking, knowing he would be angry and that this would somehow end up being my fault. I knew he was going to explode in anger, and I was scared to death to go home. When you start to fear your partner's reaction more than you fear the situation itself, there's a good chance you're being abused.


2. He has full control of your finances.

Financial abuse is a real thing. It’s the way many abusers keep their victims trapped. Without access to money, escape becomes almost impossible unless you have a great support system who can help you remove yourself from the toxic situation. (I did not.) I would have left my husband years earlier if I had access to our finances but because he controlled all of our earnings, I had no way out — and worse, he knew that.

3. He isolates you from your friends and family.

Most abusers won’t readily admit that they’re abusing you, even though, deep down, they know that what they’re doing wouldn’t be looked upon kindly by people who care about you. They're deeply fearful that someone rational will “enlighten” you to the abuse that is taking place and thus, tries to remove your friends and family from your life. By doing that, they're effectively cutting off your escape route and removing your safety net.

Even if they haven’t physically abused you at this point, the control that they have over your life should be seen as a huge warning of things to come.

4. They make you sexually uncomfortable.

Sexual abuse is not just something that happens with strangers at drunken parties. Most sexual assaults are committed by someone you know and relationship rape is a very real thing. If you feel pressured and coerced into sexual acts that you’re not comfortable with or you feel forced to partake in activities you didn’t consent to, you’re being abused. Guilt, pressure, and force are not foreplay.

5. They make you feel like you can’t do better.

Abusers most often exert their power not by physical force, but by controlling the way we think. If they can get you to think exactly the way they want you to, well, half of their job is done. If they can make you believe that you’re worthless and that nobody good would ever want you, there’s less of chance you’ll ever leave them. You’ll start to “appreciate” that they put up with you, day in and day out, because you’re so awful.

When you’re broken to the point where you feel so worthless that you’re just happy to be allowed to keep living, it’s hard to realize that the problem isn’t you. If the person who supposedly “loves” you the most thinks nothing of you, the problem is not you, it’s them. No one stays in a relationship with someone they think has no value; they stay for the control and power they reap from tearing you down.

6. They makes you fear leaving them.

If you fear leaving them out of fear they will harm you, your partner is an abuser. And if you fear leaving them because you feel you could literally not live without them (and not just because you love them and would miss them), you might be being abused. Abusers take who we are and suck out everything we need to live. They make us shells of the people we once were, leaving only the parts of us that serve the purposes they need.

If you feel like you’re so lost that you can no longer lead your own life, it’s time to get help. I don’t say that harshly; I just mean you are worth more. You deserve to be more than what someone else simply allows you to be. You deserve to not be abused.

In the below link are some further resources. It shows that if you ARE being treated like this, you don't have to be, you shouldn't be, and this can happen to ANYONE. Men or women (or other), and this can be done by any partner, male or female etc. It also is worth bearing in mind to look out for the signs from a friend or family member. If you have a friend or family member being treated like this, look out for the signs, it could save someone's life.

And if you're a male survivor of a female abuser, then don't listen to the liars, fools and spin doctors who tell you that it doesn't count because you're not maimed or killed, because as the above article shows, it does.

Believe me, it does.


Sincerely,

The Invisible Man



ORIGINAL ARTICLE:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/beyond-the-physical-6-signs-of-silently-abusive-relationships/

RESOURCE LINK IN ARTICLE:

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-877-799-7233 or visit them on the web at www.thehotline.org.