Dear Readers,
Well, he did it. They did it. Perhaps at some level, we did it depending on how much we affected the outcome or whether we just formed an emotional crutch, but Johnny Depp has won. Amber Heard has lost on all cases bar one in regard to a comment made by one of Johnny's representatives over a room in a hotel being trashed.
Having been on the #JusticeForJohnnyDepp train since 2019 I am needless to say, overjoyed by the result, but not just because of Johnny Depp. Initially I expressed "disappointment" in hearing the accusations in 2016, an opinion that I really regret now.
Of course, this isn't just about Johnny Depp. This isn't about Hollywood scandal or Pirates of the Caribbean or the Fantastic Beasts franchise. The DeppvsHeard case goes a lot deeper into society as to whether men can be accepted as victims of domestic abuse, especially if the perpetrator is a woman. My own abuse experiences happened in the early 2000s so obviously if you think it's bad now, back then it was much harder to find solace, comfort, support or justice. It's bad enough for women abused by men, but men abused by women didn't have any resources back then. Even ten years down the line from that you had the National Organisation for Men Against Sexism claiming that men aren't actually abuse victims.
As to be expected, the usual suspects started their oh so predictable temper tantrums in reaction to the result. I've been trolled a little by some Swedish idiot who accused me of being an extremist when frankly, I was too distracted to bother with him, though mercifully it doesn't happen often. Camille Vasquez has opened things up by pointing out when interviewed by ABC what abused men and our advocates have been crying out for people to recognise.
'Domestic violence doesn't have a gender.'
Make no mistake, this is definitely a turning point, and an opportunity to give other men in situations like Johnny Depp's the opportunity to recognise the abuse that is happening to them. There are very likely countless numbers of Amber Heards out there prolonguing the suffering of their own Johnny Depps out there.
Unfortunately there are still a few lingering dinosaurs unwilling to accept the inevitability of their fate, that we're going to have to take on. Make no mistake, they are definitely on the back foot now, we are the asteroid and they are the dinosaurs whose time has passed, but we're going to have to combat their lies if we want to see forward momentum for abused men (and likely abuse victims in general). They know deep down in their hearts that it's nearly over for them, but a cornered animal is a dangerous animal, as with these extremist idiots, so they're not going to go down without a fight. Be prepared.
One of the most revolting but also utterly fascinating examples is twitter user @JordanSUmbu who came up with his own little temper tantrum following the DeppvsHeard trial. He has a long thread and scores of tweets coming up with an ugly pile of hatred and lies aimed at male survivors that I've seen many times before from others like him (he's not unique unfortunately), so here is a textbook example of some of the misinformation that some of these extremists will likely throw back at you.
"Domestic abuse is gendered and statistically affects women more is a much better & truer statement than "domestic abuse has no gender", which not only vapid, diversionary, reeks of all lives matter energy, but also protects male abusers from accountability...we've been slowly entering an era of intellectual and moral regression because misogyny becoming more and more socially acceptable due to "men also being victims of domestic abuse" is bringing out the worst in people. Have some shame....You know there isn't a saying or claim that men can't be victims of domestic abuse. You know this. But all of a sudden global stats don't matter. History doesn't matter. Men being the main perpetrators of DV and sexual violence doesn't matter. Again you're pathetic."
It's an ugly and hideous pile of lies and misinformation, but it's time to break it down with a spot of fisking. Fortunately, this feeble pile of lies is very easy to debunk so if faced with this sort of ignorance, feel free to use these arguments as a counter.
"Domestic abuse is gendered and statistically affects women more is a much better & truer statement than "domestic abuse has no gender".
Domestic abuse isn't gendered at all. Statistics reflect women at a much higher rate, but those statistics are a poor means of measuring an absolute number of female victims, let alone male victims, simply because women under-report already, and men even more so, which is a commonly known fact. Added to that, the ugly myths that men are "lucky" if the perpetrator of sexual abuse is a woman (this one seems to be more commonly used by other men, women and feminist men tend to say other things that I'll get to later), ideas that women only commit abuse in self defence as we saw with Dr Dawn, and resources for survivors tend to dismiss it, or extremist men or women with an agenda behave in a despicably hostile way like our good friend Jordan here. Sometimes they're accused of being "gay" which actually happened to me when I disclosed, or even told that an erection is the same as consent (it's not, but I didn't realise that at the time it happened to me).
"This leads to an abysmal number of men willing to report abuse by women. Why report when so many of those people/organizations who are supposed to be advocating on behalf of survivors are willing to excuse, minimise or outright deny your experience on the basis of gender?
Awareness campaigns can even contribute to the suffering of male abuse survivors, particularly male victims of female sexual abuse, but this is also applies to male survivors/victims of domestic abuse and IPV. As James Landrith pointed out:
"For instance, campaigns targeting men that focus on how not to be a rapist or the difference between yes and no clearly promote the concept that rapists are men and survivors are women. While I understand that statistical models are often used to determine how to direct and target prevention campaigns, such models can also be their own worst enemies by influencing how and who reports, corrupting the very statistics themselves. In short, the numbers of men reporting are very low due to underreporting and most survivor organizations I've worked with or consulted acknowledge this and that a large part of the reason is public perception."
https://jameslandrith.com/2010/10/12/on-gendering-rape-the-statistics-defense/
The really rum thing is, I've only just started with Jordan the idiot and already it's taken half an essay to explain why he's either lying or stupid. But we have to be thorough so on we go.
"[Domestic abuse has no Gender is] not only vapid, diversionary, reeks of all lives matter energy, but also protects male abusers from accountability"
This is an argument that I've seen before and I've never been impressed with it, and I'm still not impressed with it now. The reality of male victims of abuse being recognised is very much a positive, justified and long overdue step forward. Comparing it with all lives matter is self-evidently absurd, but the idea that helping abused men shields abusive men is trash. Where is the evidence? There's not an iota of proof that mankind initiative or oneinthree or male survivor is in any way helping the Harvey Weinsteins and Bill Cosbys of the world behind our backs. There's no point in entertaining this profoundly ridiculous and corrupt statement so we can just dismiss it out of hand. As the saying goes, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence (like Amber Heard's claims).
"we've been slowly entering an era of intellectual and moral regression because misogyny becoming more and more socially acceptable due to "men also being victims of domestic abuse" is bringing out the worst in people. Have some shame."
This is sensationalist lies and garbage, and no doubt a complete overreaction to the DeppvsHeard trial. To claim that helping abused men is making people bad is an outrageously malevolent lie and totally indefensible. It also fails to explain the very fact that legions of abused women came out in support of Johnny Depp. Women seem to be more emotionally tuned (no offence to any men reading this, we have our strengths and weaknesses individually and as groups) and that might be why they picked up on the signs that Amber Heard is quite clearly an aggressive and abusive individual while Johnny Depp is at worst, a bit reckless sometimes. Jordan, if you want to find anyone who must bow their heads in shame I suggest investing in a mirror and taking a good hard look in it.
"You know there isn't a saying or claim that men can't be victims of domestic abuse. You know this."
That's where you're wrong. I can give you a couple of examples out of the top of my head from just ten years ago:
(TW abuse apologism in the comments) https://jezebel.com/have-you-ever-beat-up-a-boyfriend-cause-uh-we-have-294383
(TW This one actually has the brass neck to say as such out loud) https://nomas.org/not-a-two-way-street-men-are-not-the-victims-of-what-is-meant-by-domestic-violence-and-abuse/
"But all of a sudden global stats don't matter. History doesn't matter. Men being the main perpetrators of DV and sexual violence doesn't matter."
That's right, they don't. As pointed out, global stats aren't accurate enough to paint a full picture and carry built in biases. History doesn't matter if someone is violating your basic human right to physical integrity, which is what abuse is. You don't think "I'm a victim of the patriarchy" if you're a woman or "I deserve this because statistically men are the main abusers", you go into shock, or you panic, or you go numb, however it happens. I hope it never happens to you because this is the real world. Time to acknowledge it and abandon your childish and stale ideas of dead 1970s feminist writers.
"Again you're pathetic."
Nothing to say here other than dog calling the cat hairy-arsed, Jordan. Go and take these to real people in the real world (especially women) and they'll almost certainly eat you alive and spit your bone fragments onto the ground.
Another reality as pointed out by James Landrith regarding the stats argument is as such, and while he was referring to rape, this very likely applies across the board to other forms of abuse:
"Campaigns that target males only as rapists continue to feed the public perception that only men can be rapists leading to fewer males reporting rapes and also negatively impacts female survivor reporting by silencing those who were hurt at the hands of other women, which further skews the numbers they used to justify the campaigns in the first place. It is a vicious cycle and one we need to break if survivor advocates are truly committed to ending sexual violence.* While the focus of such campaigns should rightfully be on the behaviour of the rapist and not the survivors,** we should not be further promoting the concept of the rapist = male and survivor = female."
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen (etc). If faced by fools and idiots like our very special friend who spout such nonsense on the subject, be it domestic abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse when referring to female on male abuse (or abused men in general), remember these guides. Good luck, and don't despair. We are winning, let's keep fighting to make it final.
And big congratulations Jordan for winning your idiot of the month. I couldn't have written this article without you. Please collect your wooden spoon by the door but don't let it hit you on the arse on the way out.
Sincerely,
The Invisible Man
*And arguably other forms of abuse and violence.
**I agree, other than offering some guides and options on how to protect one's safety in the worst case scenario.
