ON SELF CARE

Dear Readers,


Survivors of abuse are often riddled with mental health issues. I'm not saying that every single abuse survivor suffers this way, but it's unfortunately all too common, and male survivors are no exception.

From what we know, male survivors often suffer from issues such as:


1: 76% of suicides in England and Wales in 2016 were committed by men according to ONS

2: Survivor males are much more likely to suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression.

3: Only 36% of referrals to psychological therapy are made for male patients.

4. Male survivors are more likely to participate in alcohol and drug abuse than non-survivor males.

5. Male survivors are more likely to suffer relationship problems (something I've struggled with).

6. Male survivors also suffer more problems in school with underachievement as a result of their abuse.


I'm going to make it clear, I'm not in any way, a mental health expert. However, I have had experience of depression, social anxiety, mental issues. I'm going to cover these as best I can with the knowledge and experience I have. If you're a male survivor reading this, then I suggest that you take a look at the advice I have, since I've learned this from personal experience. Feel free to discard anything that doesn't work for you.

Sometimes you might find something that sets you off or builds a great deal of fear. Sometimes it's a noise, a smell, a sound, something that someone says. I've been there myself, and sometimes it's taken hours, or even days to subside.
If you're having a panic attack related to your abuse, breathe slowly. Get yourself somewhere comfortable and try to stay calm. It will ride itself out, and after a short space of time you'll be back to normal again. If this is a persistent problem I suggest consulting your doctor.

Depression is a very serious problem. In the past it was derided as only suffered by people who were rich and pampered, while busy working people don't have time for it. This is rubbish. The truth is, depression is a mental health issue. I once woke up in university suffering from depression, and I had a practical exam that day. I succeeded it, but I felt like garbage afterwards, and really thought that I'd failed badly. It was a horrible feeling and it was with me from the moment I woke up.

For male survivors I have a few suggestions to use to help keep up a decent level of mental health, and though these will probably sound obvious and you may have heard them before, I suggest that you pay attention to them because the ways we nurture our physical health also make a difference to our mental health.

Exercise is very important to our physical health in staving off obesity, heart disease and cancer, but also our mental well-being. Sometimes I've found that being depressed, or even if you're stressed, or just bored or frustrated, can be remedied by going for an hour exercise. This could involve going to the gym if you join one, going for a run or a power walk, or using a treadmill or exercise machine in your house.
Do it every day for an hour if possible, and while obviously it'll improve your looks and physical health, more importantly it'll also make a difference to your mental well being. Once you finish or get home, have a shower as soon as possible, it'll make you feel great. Don't strain yourself though, and try and avoid it if you're suffering from a cold or a cough or something debilitating that could get yourself hurt (or even spread germs to others, say, in the gym).

Healthy eating also makes a huge difference to your life. Try and avoid large quantities of trans fats and sugars. A little bit of sugar, fat and salt is good for you, as long as you don't overdo it, and oily fish such as salmon or mackerel are excellent for omega 3. Fresh vegetables and fruits are essential, but don't overdo it on carbs such as potatoes and pasta, and drink plenty of water. Personally, being British (or just English) I prefer a nice soothing cup of tea most of the time, but don't overdo it on coffee if that's what you prefer, it can make you hyper anxious and nervous.

During down time, try and avoid looking at glowing screens such as TV screens, laptops, phones and so on for extended periods of time. Spend some time reading and listening to music, because research has proven on numerous occasions that reading stimulates the brain. (See 7) Also, make sure that you get plenty of sleep, and avoid late night sessions of work or activity as much as possible.

As men, we often thrive on busying ourselves to something useful. I've done white collar jobs in comfortable offices in which I've been utterly miserable. On the other hand I've done shifts in workshops for 12 hours at a time and I've barely been happier. Give me a rusty piece of metal, an angle grinder and a cushion to kneel on, and I'm happy for the afternoon. If you find the same amount of joy in these activities, then I suggest find somewhere you can join in on these activities. Finding a hobby can be a very enjoyable, but often you need to keep it up, and whether it's dancing or restoring old rusted pieces of scrap metal to their former glory, you really have to find what works best for you.

Sometimes even the simple cure of sunlight on the back of the eyes or the skin, especially the chest and back can be very beneficial, so if you're lucky enough to see plenty of sunshine, get outside or even to a window, and soak up some rays. My dad gets seasonal affective disorder sometimes, and so do I, so as soon as the sun emerges from the depths of winter, I'm out there getting some sunlight on the eyes and skin. Don't stare directly into the sun though, you risk doing untold damage to your eyes! And don't spend too long outside, since too much sunlight can cause skin ailments and skin cancer.

Finally, I suggest that if you can, try and meet up with friends as much as possible. Research has shown that in the individualistic society we live in, unfortunately even in a big city one can be very lonely, and being isolated from other people can have a very negative effect on the mind.

In fact, new research has shown that loneliniess can have a worse effect on one's health than obesity (See 8).

A lot of this advice you might've already heard before, but ultimately it makes a difference to your mental health and well being. Give it a go for a period of time and you'll more than likely see the difference.

All in all, look after yourself. You've only got one body, and one mind, it's yours to take care of!


Sincerely

The Invisible Man


SOURCES:

1: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2016registration

2: Dube, S.R., Anda, R.F., Whitfield, C.L., et al. (2005). Long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse by gender of victim. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 28, 430-438

3: https://www.safeline.org.uk/mens-mental-health-a-silent-crisis/

4: Felitti, V.J., Anda, R.F., Nordenberg, D., Williamso, D.F., Spitz, A.M., et al. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14, 245-258.

5 & 6. Lisak, D. & Luster, L. (1994). Educational, occupational and relationship histories of men who were sexually and/or physically abused as children. Journal of Traumatic Stress. 7, 507-523.

7: https://www.care2.com/greenliving/4-cognitive-and-mental-health-benefits-of-reading.html

8: (Holt-Lunstad, 2010)


RESOURCES FOR MALE SURVIVORS


MEN RECOVERING FROM MILITARY SEXUAL TRAUMA: http://www.mrmst.org/

MALE SURVIVOR: http://www.malesurvivor.org/

1IN6: https://1in6.org/

SURVIVORS MANCHESTER: http://www.survivorsmanchester.org.uk/

MANKIND INITIATIVE: http://www.mankind.org.uk/

MANKINDUK: https://www.mkcharity.org/

MATRIXMEN: https://matrixmensa.blogspot.com/

SAMOSA (SOUTH AFRICA): http://www.samsosa.org/wp/

AFTER SILENCE: http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php

PANDORA'S AQUARIUM: https://pandys.org/forums/index.php?

RAINN: https://rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys