Today is my 30th Birthday.
Fortunately, being of Scandinavian descent on my mother's side, my looks have survived this far intact, and if I can be bothered to have a shave, apparently some people still mistake me for 18.Of course, not everybody is as lucky as that. A lot of this comes from healthy eating and regular exercise as well as mental self-care.
But it's not the end of the world.
In fact, if one were to look at the situation in a positive light, even in a worst case scenario, one might be able to see it as a chance to make some real changes, turn over a new leaf and make a fresh start. (For example, a friend of mine living in China tells me that the Chinese are really excited about it, more English people working for them, Europe's loss is their gain she says.)
Even if there are side effects, it's not like they're going to last forever. I understand why people are concerned of course, I share much of those myself. I just think that it could be, and has been worse, and worst case scenario, one must remember the phrase that makes sad men glad and glad men sad.
'This too shall pass.'
This all brings me to the topic I wish to cover today. While I'm celebrating my 30th Birthday today, I'm going to be looking forward. I have every intention on setting myself up financially to enjoy life to the fullest. I'm more confident than I was ten years ago, I'm more experienced, more knowledgeable, I have plans to travel. To enjoy new experiences. To visit new places and new people. To have more fun with women that I missed out on in my 20s (this can mean a relationship or just having some casual fun, depending on what's best for you).
When recovering from sexual abuse, this is probably one of the hardest things you're ever going to have to do.
What you have to remember when you're turning over a new leaf for yourself is that you're doing it for you. You have to commit to doing things differently, and this takes a little mental strength because it's very easy to lapse back into your old ways, such as thinking negatively. You have to think positively, and tell yourself that this time, things will change for you. The past may seem like a compelling reason for nothing to improve, but never forget that your past doesn't equal your future.
Sometimes it won't be easy to maintain this new positive state of mind, but as long as you stick with it, keep correcting yourself whenever you lapse back into your previous mindset. This will inevitably happen from time to time, it's rather like riding a bicycle without the support wheels when you're a kid. It feels odd and strange, but as you practice you get gradually more used to it.
Sexual abuse ruins often one's confidence, but if this is you, don't forget. If there's something Don't surround yourself with negative voices, or if you're stuck with such voices, seek out the positive. Remind yourself that what happened to you was not your fault. It doesn't make you a bad person or a potential abuser yourself. Also compile a list of the things that you're good at, that make you positive or feel good about yourself. Positive attributes to yourself, no matter how small, and remind yourself of these every day. This won't get instant results, but it will make a huge difference in the long run if you keep reminding yourself.
You have to remember that it doesn't matter what other people think. Take advice if you want, seek help if you feel you need it, but don't let any disapproval of the new you stop you. The opinions of others will kill you, so you don't have to take them as seriously as you might think. Taking other people's advice is still important, but don't kid yourself into thinking that everybody knows better than you, as I once did. Trust your instincts and your gut.
Try out new things, things that you've always wanted to do, but felt too afraid to do so (as long as it doesn't involve self-harm, heavy drinking, drugs, or excessively dangerous or illegal activities). If you've always wanted to visit a new country somewhere around the world, try it out. Someone you always wanted to ask out or talk to, give it a go. Mountain biking? Wine tasting? Even socialising and making new friends? It doesn't matter. To go where you want to and be who you want to, you're going to have to exit your comfort zone now and again. It rarely goes wrong in my experience, and even if it does, it's almost never as bad as you imagine it will be. If you want to do it, do it.
And finally, it doesn't matter what you've been through. (Bear with me.) Remember, when you're really at rock bottom, this is as far down as you are going to go, and the only way is up.
It's never too late to become the person you could've been.
Sincerely,
The Invisible Man
This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you very much.
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