ON SUICIDE

Dear Readers,


To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them:

PRINCE HAMLET, HAMLET, ACT III SCENE I

The above quote is from the Shakespeare play 'Hamlet' and it is probably the most famous monologue in all of his works. Here, Hamlet, a young man, is contemplating suicide and escaping from the pain and strife he's facing in the course of the play through death, but of course being a Christian he fears being sent straight to hell for suicide.

Now, I'm going to go into another personal story that deals with suicide. Please brace yourself, and there are trigger warnings in regards to suicide, and self harm.

When I was about 20 years old, I was at my kitchen table doing some work. I'd been rejected from every higher education institute I'd applied to, and was taking stock. It was at that moment that my brother came in and gave me some terrible news.

A friend of ours from school had committed suicide.

I remember being shocked and stunned, and actually saying 'I don't believe it!' twice. My parents were stunned, and my mother immediately was reduced to tears. As it turned out, my friend had suffered from depression, unbeknown to his parents. He'd written a suicide note the night before, and while his parents had been out shopping, he'd taken a shotgun he'd kept somewhere on their farm to a field nearby, taken off his shoes, pulled the trigger with his toes and shot himself.

I can't imagine what that must've been like to come back to.

We attended his funeral a few days later, and it seemed as if there almost wasn't a dry eye in the church, and when my friend's coffin was brought in I just wanted to run away.

The wake was pleasant however, and I decided to regale a few of my old school friends with some of the happier memories of our departed friend, of how he made fun of me when I clumsily drove a farming buggy straight into a bush. Of course, over the next few days, as well as my own personal struggle, I was in bits over the death of my friend.

It still hurts that I'd seen attended the funeral of a school friend of mine before I'd ever gone to my first family funeral five years later, that of my uncle, who'd been suffering with dementia six years prior.

In the long run, I can understand why a young man might commit suicide. We live in a society that tells us that if we break down we're 'weak', even those who say they oppose this will still shame us for being ill (e.g. "Man flu"), or dismiss any discussion of our issues as "misogyny" and minimises them.

Ultimately, when it comes to speaking out, one doesn't know whether the person of people listening will turn on us, either shaming us as "weak beta male", or "women have it worse shut up it's not systemic". And at the end of the day, resources for us are unfortunately severely limited, so we're low on options as to where to turn to.

I've had suicidal thoughts myself in the past. Sometimes they were thoughts that 'I can't live with this pain any more, I want to get out' as a way of saying anything to release myself from this pain. Sometimes I would  Sometimes these thoughts weren't of me blatantly deciding to end my life, but I would - no word of a lie - fantasise in school, and in college, about someone shooting me in the head, to end the feelings of self hatred, depression, shame, and guilt that I didn't understand. I was begging for a quick, clean death, but never wanted to deliver it myself.

But the biggest reason I never followed through with my suicidal thoughts? Because like Hamlet, I feared that death was worse, not because I believe in Hell (I'm an atheist) but because I know that you don't get a second chance with this life. If you end it, that's it. No going back.

If you don't feel that you can speak to your family or friends, speak to one of the hotlines below. There are people who can help you, who will listen to you without judgement. My main go-to is 'Samaritans' without whom I probably wouldn't be alive today. As I like to say, while others reach for a gun, I reach for a phone.

Depression is a huge problem, including for abuse survivors. At the moment I'm on antidepressants, so I know what it's like. And suicidal thoughts can happen for a number of reasons, but here's a few little titbits of advice that I hope can help.

Take regular exercise. The term "blow the cobwebs away" applies to depression, and other thoughts, which help you clear your mind. Even a short jog can make a world of difference to your mental well being.

Make sure you eat well, healthy food as much as you can. It makes a huge difference not just to your physical health, but mental as well. Try and avoid too many foods heavy with fat and sugar.

Talk to family and friends, find someone you can trust. If you don't feel you can, speak to your doctor, try and get therapy. If you're lucky enough to have a national health service like me, you might be able to get it on recommendation from your doctor.

And for those out there who are guilty of this, don't waste time by saying that male suicide is "male violence directed at itself" because of two reasons.

1) There is no evidence that male suicide victims have a track record of violence.

2) It's kicking suicidal and potential suicidal men when they're still down.


Jimmy wouldn't have hurt a fly.

Farewell Jimmy. I haven't forgotten you.


Sincerely,

The Invisible Man

(SUICIDE RESOURCES

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

https://www.sprc.org/

https://wellbeing.bitc.org.uk/all-resources/toolkits/suicide-prevention-toolkit

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/suicide-resource-guide#1

https://afsp.org/find-support/resources/

https://www.nspa.org.uk/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml

https://themighty.com/suicide-prevention-resources/